Clinic consultation

What to learn from each of Miami’s Coaching Clinic coaches in March 2022

The Miami Hurricanes have announced their spring training clinic. On March 25-26, 2022, the ‘Canes will host coaches and present a fully padded workout on Greentree.

Luckily, I got a quick rundown of the lecture schedule for the ‘Canes Clinic on March 25-26.


Hair care techniques with Jimmy Johnson

NFL Hall of Fame coach Jimmy Johnson leads the clinic. And speaking of the head, the 78-year-old Johnson still has killer hair. Johnson, who served as an NFL analyst for Fox for nearly 20 years, is twice superbowl winning head coach. JJ’s hair-care routine is more important than building a championship roster or managing the egos of stars like Troy Aikman and Emmitt Smith (Michael Irvin/g NEVER would).

Training in the ACC requires the ability of the follicles to weather the humidity of Miami, the snowstorms of Massachusetts, and whatever else hangs in the air above Tallahassee. Jimmy’s favorite method? Denorex (and lots of styling gel!).

Rote Memorization with Sean McVay

As we’ve all heard a million times, recent Super Bowl-winning head coach Sean McVay has one hell of a memory. JJ was known to play bridge to improve his memory and McVay is probably no slouch at Wordle (do you have to remember stuff for Wordle’ing? I have no idea). And we are lucky, he is already the master of the whiteboard.

Coach McVay is a big name on the ‘Canes Clinic poster and will teach coaches how to remember important dates in US history with special guest TA in former social studies teacher Alex Mirabal. If you can’t remember what the Potsdam Conference was about and when it took place, what can you do?

Listening to understand with Ed Orgeron

Ed Orgeron, a former defensive line coach for The U, is also on the premises clinician role. Coach O won his only national championship as head coach as he USL in 2019. He attached a rocket to the back of the old New Orleans Saints analyst Joe Brady and former ohio state back up QB Joe Burrow for throwing over 60 TDs on the season.

Since then, Coach O has been seen jogging, hanging out at gas station snack bars and will return to the University of Miami campus in March. Coach O will focus on an important topic for coaches and spouses: listening to understand. What is Ed’s teaching pedagogy? Just lean very close and squint while listening to him speak.

PS. Guys, she doesn’t want your advice, she just wants you to listen and nod.

Being SEO friendly on Google with Darren Rizzi

When you google Darren Rizzi (which I had to do to find out who the hell he is), the first thing that pops up might make Coach Rizzi cringe (or really flattered/proud, who knows?!).

But the key to becoming a coach, blogger, fanboy, Twitter Spaces hero, etc. to success is of course search engine optimization or SEO (LOL in Miami loser in the picture above, I didn’t choose that on purpose but of course GO PHINS!). Coach Rizzi is going to show us how to make sure that when you Google a name it shows up with him instead of the Missus.

No Sleep Till Brooklyn with Mario Cristobal

Who needs sleep when you can drink more cafecito, amirite? Mario Cristobal hasn’t closed his eyes longer than a wink or sneeze would require since arriving in Coral Gables as head coach of the Canes. The human body is 60% water, but Crisotbal filled Detective Rue and poured coffee into the water filter, so technically it’s 55% water and 5% Bustelo.

Doctors recommend 7-9 hours of sleep for normal humans and 8-10 for athletes, but Coach Cristobal is completely connected to the Kramer Method, lesser known as DaVinci Sleep. Just a few milliseconds of eye closure throughout the day and you’re on your way to the Pac-12 Championship game and a showdown with Utah!


Poster values

Kidding aside, this sounds like a damn good clinic I wish I could attend. Once again, Mario Cristobal went big and landed the last Super Bowl-winning head coach, a rod and NFL coaching legend, one of the best scouts in college football history, and a guy kicking around to draw more attention to what he’s building. Sprockets.